Recipe for Disaster

Yeah, it’s been a while. I’ll come back with a real post tomorrow, sorry folks.

I made this dish the other day, and actually got complimented on the leftovers (the leftovers!) the next day by my host, a five-star master chef. He has only one tip for me, I’ll reveal that later. Anyways, here’s how to make what I make, to the best of my memory.

You’ll require:

  • 1 onion, diced and sliced (I used a smallish red one, but really don’t care what kind you use)
  • 3 cloves of garlic, finely chopped
  • 3 whole peppers; orange, red, yellow to make it look purty.
  • Some olive oil….1/8 of a cup sounds nice…how about 5.6 tbsps? Just follow along.
  • Maybe some butter, I like cooking with butter. From a stick, I’d say I used about 1/2 inch thickness-worth.
  • 1.25 lbs of beef, cut fajita strips style.
  • 2 cans of black beans. Black beans are the best beans, no one denies this (-Tommy from Quinzee, look it up if you’re so inclined).
  •  Cayenne pepper…I don’t know how much, a bunch of shakes’ worth? I like it, you may not. If you don’t, don’t bother going on because I will wreck you with it.
  • Salt and pepper, to taste. Because every recipe on the internet has them as ingredients, even if it’s talking about making cake.

Directions, because you don’t just throw this in a bowl and eat, you scoop it in kindly.

  1. Liberally (not conservatively) season the beef with cayenne pepper and salt. Salting helps prepare the meat to be tenderized.
  2. Chop-a-da garlic and onion, glare at it for a couple seconds then apologize.
  3. Heat up a large skillet on medium heat, pour olive oil in until coating the bottom.
  4. Once the olive oil is hot (check by dipping your fingers), slide in the garlic and onions. Pour some more olive oil out into the skillet for your fallen homies. You can also put the butter in here.
  5. Cook those until the onions are glassy and the fragrance calls out to you like a mermaid. Should only be about 5 minutes. Definitely do not overcook it at this point.
  6. Grind up some fresh fresh peppercorn onto the top.
  7. Slide the meat in, lower the heat, and disperse so it’s cooking evenly. At this point you’re probably looking at your skillet and realizing you should have gone for the bigger one. Sorry, I told you. So I’m not sorry, because I told you. Sorry I’m not sorry.
  8. Let that meat cook until it’s brown on that side, then flip the pieces. That should be about 6-7 minutes per side, depending on thickness of said meat. Don’t cook it too fast, we’ve got a ways to go. Also, stir it within the garlic and onions, let the juices get to know eachother a bit. Sidenote: If the recipe direction number starts with a number, you should be adding a couple shakes of cayenne pepper. That includes the number 8.
  9. Okay, now that the meat looks brown, get those cans of beans open with your teeth. I like to pour out about half the juices, but it’s all your preference. Dump it in there. Yeah, just like that. Ooh be careful, don’t spill. Get some good stirring utensils, and swirl everything around. Add cayenne.
  10. Lower the heat to low, cover that skillet. Gut and dice up the peppers (about 1 inch squares I prefer), let them be. Now you wait. Just go do something else, like write a blog post or read or anything. Just don’t check on the food, it will take longer. After waiting is filled (I heart Stranger in a Strange Land) – about 20 minutes but you really can’t go over the time limit – go back to the food and smell it. It should be lightly boiling and really hot. Also it should smell infuriatingly tantalizing.
  11. Add the peppers to the top, cover it back up, and wait about 5-10 more minutes.
  12. Open it up, and stir it around. Try to scrape the sides of the skillet, don’t be shy. That’s where the best flavors come in. Let it sit for a couple minutes – oh who am I kidding? Spoon that stew into a bowl and serve with a nice glass of rum and ice. You’ll need that because you were impatient and it’s way too hot to eat so soon.

Serves 4, unless you’re feeding a hungry small person. Then don’t expect any.

As I said, this got compliments from a trusted source, and it’s therefore now fact. His one tip is something to do with corn starch and the meat, but he’s requested I make it again this week so he can see and help out specifically. Also, my friend came over and ate some when I made it. She ate about 3/4 of the food I had, surprising because she’s only like 4’2, a buck flat. If she didn’t devour everything in sight, this makes enough for 3 meals.

If you are a lonely soul like me, then you should take use of tupperware and store it, just put it back on the stove on super low to heat it back up. It stores very well because it’s just a stew and presentation doesn’t matter.

Again, sorry I haven’t been writing this week, I think it’s good I took a break though. I didn’t even want to write tonight, but needed something to get me back in the flow. Good night, kids.

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