Life Lessons

I know you all are eagerly anticipating the release of my next thriller, Climb, Repeat; Jump, Repeat, but I have to get a few Monday things out of the way first. I have learned a lot today, and wanted to share with my loyal readers tips to help in everyday life.

From Chef Mr. Eat-Garlic:

– If the chicken smells funny, it probably isn’t good anymore.

– When ordering cheese at the supermarket, ‘cuarta libra’ means four pounds of cheese, while ‘un cuarta’ means one quarter-pound of cheese. If anyone has tips on eating a pound and a half of cheese, please feel free to leave that in the comments or mail it to:

Shane Shake
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20500

– Two onions and two monster cloves of garlic is enough for a can of beans and a pound of pork cutlets. Barely.

– When peeling a carrot, once you are going to peel the the second half and grab the first half, it becomes slippery. For when you’re peeling over a trashcan (zafacón), please don’t let that affect your grip or it shall affect your chances of eating that carrot.

– Do not fry food shirtless, oil gets a little jumpy when it’s hot. Do everything else shirtless.

– Too much olive oil? Never heard of it.

– Black beans beat beets, by far. The question is, do bears beet black beans Battlestar Galactica?

Moving on, tips from Mr. Shake on how to cope with life’s little battles:

– If you can’t log on to your Windows PC, try using ‘administrator’ as the username. Does not work for trying to usurp the CEO of the organization, taking control of a Metro train, nor getting out of paying for 40oz of beer.

– I hear that the best way to kill mosquitoes is with soap on your hands, so it’s easy to wipe off. Shake’s got a new weapon.

– Google+ is better than Facebook. Neither is better than both, but we’re working on it.

– If there’s a public transportation strike, freak out because it’s suddenly unsafe everywhere in the city. It’s best to brush up on post-apocalyptic movies like The Postman, Waterworld, The Bodyguard, and Field of Dreams. It’s crucial to your survival. But really, we had a strike and there were no carros públicos or guaguas trying to run me down. This caused unusual paranoia and I vigilantly watched my back for one, whether I was coming out of the bathroom, metro, or fixing the sheets on my bed.

– I like to hang my clothes outside to dry. Whenever I do laundry, it rains. Whenever I hear it’s going to rain and I hold off washing my clothes, it does not. This doesn’t help you at all, does it?

– Speaking of rain, it’s an excellent excuse to not go to the gym. Also good to use: public transportation strikes and impending nuclear warfare.

Reading: American Theocracy, Kevin Phillips (time to get into some history and international affairs)

Listening: Grinderman, Nick Cave & Grinderman

Learning: Green Eyes, others that I’ve mentioned


One thought on “Life Lessons

  1. Shane,
    You are cracking me up! The highlight of my day is reading your blogs. Feel free to email me if you need any cooking tips or recipes! Love ya! Stay safe! -Lynn

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