I know you all are eagerly anticipating the release of my next thriller, Climb, Repeat; Jump, Repeat, but I have to get a few Monday things out of the way first. I have learned a lot today, and wanted to share with my loyal readers tips to help in everyday life.
From Chef Mr. Eat-Garlic:
– If the chicken smells funny, it probably isn’t good anymore.
– When ordering cheese at the supermarket, ‘cuarta libra’ means four pounds of cheese, while ‘un cuarta’ means one quarter-pound of cheese. If anyone has tips on eating a pound and a half of cheese, please feel free to leave that in the comments or mail it to:
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20500
– Two onions and two monster cloves of garlic is enough for a can of beans and a pound of pork cutlets. Barely.
– When peeling a carrot, once you are going to peel the the second half and grab the first half, it becomes slippery. For when you’re peeling over a trashcan (zafacón), please don’t let that affect your grip or it shall affect your chances of eating that carrot.
– Do not fry food shirtless, oil gets a little jumpy when it’s hot. Do everything else shirtless.
– Too much olive oil? Never heard of it.
– Black beans beat beets, by far. The question is, do bears beet black beans Battlestar Galactica?
Moving on, tips from Mr. Shake on how to cope with life’s little battles:
– If you can’t log on to your Windows PC, try using ‘administrator’ as the username. Does not work for trying to usurp the CEO of the organization, taking control of a Metro train, nor getting out of paying for 40oz of beer.
– I hear that the best way to kill mosquitoes is with soap on your hands, so it’s easy to wipe off. Shake’s got a new weapon.
– Google+ is better than Facebook. Neither is better than both, but we’re working on it.
– If there’s a public transportation strike, freak out because it’s suddenly unsafe everywhere in the city. It’s best to brush up on post-apocalyptic movies like The Postman, Waterworld, The Bodyguard, and Field of Dreams. It’s crucial to your survival. But really, we had a strike and there were no carros públicos or guaguas trying to run me down. This caused unusual paranoia and I vigilantly watched my back for one, whether I was coming out of the bathroom, metro, or fixing the sheets on my bed.
– I like to hang my clothes outside to dry. Whenever I do laundry, it rains. Whenever I hear it’s going to rain and I hold off washing my clothes, it does not. This doesn’t help you at all, does it?
– Speaking of rain, it’s an excellent excuse to not go to the gym. Also good to use: public transportation strikes and impending nuclear warfare.
Reading: American Theocracy, Kevin Phillips (time to get into some history and international affairs)
Listening: Grinderman, Nick Cave & Grinderman
Learning: Green Eyes, others that I’ve mentioned